previous issue July 16

Fannie May and Freddy Mac Are Now Married To You! by Tony Logan You have gotten kicked in the fannie by Uncle Sam, friend of Freddie, but not you. You’re bailing the couple out with your money! Don’t you just love it, too? Would Freddie and Fannie have helped you out? What about that asshole uncle, Sam? Analysis of a Sentence by Amy Masson “I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption.” — Republican presidential hopeful John McCain tells The New York Times Apparently if you leave your wife, then your family will not be successful. What do your kids from your first marriage think about that John, considering you are a member of the leave your wife club? What bothers me here is that this man is assuming that any person is a better parent if he or she is heterosexual, just by virtue of liking the opposite sex. It doesn’t matter if they get divorced, beat their kids, or just move across country to DC for a career and leave their family in Arizona. Apparently a man who is not actively involved in the raising of children is a better parent than two committed parents who happen to be of the same gender. Turning the Tables on the Israel-Firsters by Michael Scheuer Now that the dust has settled in the spat between journalist Joe Klein and the ideologues at Commentary, it is time to regret the ink spilled over the non-issue of "dual loyalties." The idea that there are US citizens who have equal loyalties to the United States and Israel is passé. American Israel-firsters have long since dropped any pretense of loyalty to the United States and its genuine national interests. They have moved brazenly into the Israel first, last, and always camp. Sen. Joseph Lieberman, Norman Podhoretz, Victor Davis Hanson, the Rev. Franklin Graham, Alan Dershowitz, Rudy Giuliani, Douglas Feith, the Rev. Rod Parsley, Paul Wolfowitz, James Woolsey, Bill Kristol, the Rev. John Hagee, and the thousands of wealthy supporters of the American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC) appear to care about the United States only so far as Washington is willing to provide immense, unending funding and the lives of young US service personnel to protect Israel. These individuals and their all-for-Israel journals — Commentary, National Review, the Weekly Standard, and the Wall Street Journal — amount to nothing less than a fifth column intent on involving 300 million Americans in other peoples' religious wars, making them pay and bleed to protect a nation in which the United States has no genuine national security interest at stake. Today's Wørd: Priceless by Stephen Colbert Satire of Fear Scares Crap Out of Everyone by Tom Burka A satiric drawing meant to make fun of all the things that scare poorly informed, rabidly ignorant Americans about Barack Obama has terrified Barack Obama's campaign team, who are concerned that it will scare poorly informed, rabidly ignorant Americans about Barack Obama. The drawing appeared on the cover of the latest New Yorker magazine. The drawing depicts Obama wearing a Moslem outfit in front of a picture of Osama bin Laden hanging in Obama's living room, bumping fists with his terrorist wife, who is wearing a bandolier and bearing an assault rifle, as they burn the American flag in the fireplace. "This is so funny. This is a funny, funny, funny picture," said New Yorker editor David Remnick. He pointed to the burning American flag and said, "Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha."

Today's Quote:

"Treason doth never prosper: what's the reason? For if it prosper, none dare call it treason. "

- Sir John Harrington

Editor's Notes & Rants:

Faux Christian anti-Obama email that inspired New Yorker cover still circulating.

MA Senate votes to repeal law blocking gays from other states from marrying.

For gawdsake, quit calling it a "war," it's the brutal occupation of a helpless country.

The world can no longer afford the filthy rich. But they might make a good source of alternative energy. I'm just saying...

Treason in the highest. Remember when Dubya vowed to find out who was responsible for outing covert CIA operative Valerie Plame? Well, I guess now it's pretty obvious who it was: Dick Cheney.

Faux Democrat John Conyers vows to ignore his Constitutional duty and ignore impeachment resolution.